Well September is upon us! I love this month, it is a month of new beginnings when I feel renewed, refreshed and excited about prepping for the "new year". It also though is a time of deep reflection, nostalgia, grief and acceptance. You see the first week of September also holds for me two "anniversary dates".
In grief, anniversary dates mark the passage of time and also the progress of the mourner and their grieving. These dates can sometimes sneak up on you along with all of the emotion that they carry. What has helped me, comforted me - is the creation of traditions for this week.
My Two Traditions:
In honour and memory of my late Grandma, each year I go to a local farm and hand-pick gladiolas in many spectacular colours...Glads were her favourite flowers. I was so fortunate to have had a very close and loving relationship with her. Even though it has been 13 years since her passing, it still feels like yesterday. Last year, for the first time, I took my children with me to pick `her`flowers. We had lots of fun choosing colours, soaking up the September sunshine and making bouquets not only for us, but also for my Mom. I really feel that this tradition brings me closer to my Grandma - and it helps me to know that I am doing something to spread that closeness to my children who never had the opportunity to know her here on earth.
This September our first baby would have been turning five years old. Although I never got to meet our little angel face to face, this little angel will always be with me. With this pregnancy loss there is more than one anniversary date, for instance, the day I suspected I was pregnant, the day we knew we were pregnant, the day we lost our baby, the day that would have been our baby`s birthday - and then the many days in between (the many ``firsts`` that go along especially, with a first pregnancy).
A new garden, Little Spirits Garden www.facebook.com/LittleSpiritsGarden, has recently been established in our community as a ``special place of remembrance for parents, families and the community to acknowledge perinatal loss or loss of a baby at birth.``. It is a beautiful place - a peaceful place - this year I will take a brief walk there to absorb the quietness of the surroundings, and to just be, feel, and remember.
When I get home and am greeted with the pitter patter of little feet and the delightful squeals of ``Mommy" and "Mama!`` as I walk up the steps up to our front door - I will take a deep breath, smile, and know that God is watching over us.
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