#66 Anniversary Dates - Creating Comforting Traditions

Well September is upon us!  I love this month, it is a month of new beginnings when I feel renewed, refreshed and excited about prepping for the "new year".  It also though is a time of deep reflection, nostalgia, grief and acceptance.  You see the first week of September also holds for me two "anniversary dates". 

In grief, anniversary dates mark the passage of time and also the progress of the mourner and their grieving.  These dates can sometimes sneak up on you along with all of the emotion that they carry.  What has helped me, comforted me -  is the creation of traditions for this week.


My Two Traditions:

In honour and memory of my late Grandma, each year I go to a local farm and hand-pick gladiolas in many spectacular colours...Glads were her favourite flowers. I was so fortunate to have had a very close and loving relationship with her.  Even though it has been 13 years since her passing, it still feels like yesterday.  Last year, for the first time, I took my children with me to pick `her`flowers.  We had lots of fun choosing colours, soaking up the September sunshine and making bouquets not only for us, but also for my Mom.  I really feel that this tradition brings me closer to my Grandma - and it helps me to know that I am doing something to spread that closeness to my children who never had the opportunity to know her here on earth.


This September our first baby would have been turning five years old.  Although I never got to meet our little angel face to face, this little angel will always be with me.  With this pregnancy loss there is more than one anniversary date, for instance, the day I suspected I was pregnant, the day we knew we were pregnant, the day we lost our baby, the day that would have been our baby`s birthday - and then the many days in between (the many ``firsts`` that go along especially, with a first pregnancy).

A new garden, Little Spirits Garden www.facebook.com/LittleSpiritsGarden, has recently been established in our community as a ``special place of remembrance for parents, families and the community to acknowledge perinatal loss or loss of a baby at birth.``.  It is a beautiful place - a peaceful place - this year I will take a brief walk there to absorb the quietness of the surroundings, and to just be, feel, and remember.

When I get home and am greeted with the pitter patter of little feet and the delightful squeals of ``Mommy" and "Mama!`` as I walk up the steps up to our front door - I will take a deep breath, smile, and know that God is watching over us.

#26 Support and Be Supported

http://www.facebook.com/LittleSpiritsGarden

When life throws your a curve ball, make sure that you:

• Surround yourself with supportive people.
• Reach out to like minded people.
• Learn what you want to know about your circumstances - knowledge can take away the feeling of helplessness.
• Support others like others have supported you (helping others takes us out of our heads too).

A life altering event for me was the loss of a very much wanted baby. The joy we felt upon learning of my pregnancy was out of this world, then when I nearly lost my life and had to have emergency surgery to remove my baby my world changed forever. Nothing could have ever prepared me for the sudden kick of grief that hit me and pulled me down.

What got me though this sad milestone in my life (outside of those close to me) was a group I found online, a group of women who experienced similar pregnancy losses.  Such an intimate experience can sometimes only be understood by those who have or are undergoing the same. That group was a lifeline to me.  As I healed I was able to help new members who had recent losses;  I was able to support them with knowledge of what to expect next, ways of coping, messages of hope, and simply by being there.

I still participate in that group today, as a support person, and am always very attuned to the topic of pregnancy loss.  In fact, what sparked today's posting was an ad I  came across for a proposed garden called the Little Spirits Garden, where families can remember and honour their lost little ones.  I also learned of a group called Empty Arms, a group that I don't believe existed when I found my online support.

Remember, no matter what curve balls life is throwing you, no matter what you are going through, take care of yourself and be sure to give back and support others too.


To help Grieving Families who have lost an unborn child or newly born little one, please take a look at the Face Book Page for the Little Spirits Garden  http://www.facebook.com/LittleSpiritsGarden  and Please Share .  Even if your life has not been touched by such a loss, chances are someone you know has experienced such a loss, even if you don't know it.



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